This is a suicide/harmful behavior checklist from the Survivor to Thriver manual.
Answer “Yes” or “No” for each question (my answers are in bold):
- Do you feel chronically depressed? No
- Do you have recurring thoughts of killing yourself? Yes
- Do you have a specific plan to kill yourself? No
- Have you acquired the means to kill yourself, such as a supply of pills or a gun? No
- Do you intend to carry out this plan to kill yourself within a specified time frame? No
- Do you have thoughts of actually killing or harming others? Yes
- If yes, have you made specific plans or arrangements for this to occur? No
Note: If someone had asked me these questions one year ago, I would probably have answered yes to all of the questions.
Next, ask yourself how you can reduce these risks?
Here are my answers to these questions for my YES answers:
2. This has become less and less of a reoccurring event, as I mentioned in the post Safety Checklist Part 1. I have gotten rid of all of the items that would have provided a suicide risk to me personally.
6. I have only recently (in the past year or so) recovered the vague memories of my abuse. I know that I should not see my father at this time in my life, or maybe ever again. I know I went through the same thing with Debbie (my biological mother) and I got over it. But I do not think so this time.
I am ashamed of these thoughts, as I like to consider myself a reasonable and kind person. I do not even believe in the death penalty, so these thoughts do trouble me. However, I am sure that I would never act on them, but I accept that humans are capable of uncharacteristic acts under extreme circumstances. I am currently working with my therapist about these ideas.