This is a suicide/harmful behavior checklist from the Survivor to Thriver manual.

Answer “Yes” or “No” for each question (my answers are in bold):

  1. Do you feel chronically depressed? No
  2. Do you have recurring thoughts of killing yourself? Yes
  3. Do you have a specific plan to kill yourself? No
  4. Have you acquired the means to kill yourself, such as a supply of pills or a gun? No
  5. Do you intend to carry out this plan to kill yourself within a specified time frame? No
  6. Do you have thoughts of actually killing or harming others? Yes
  7. If yes, have you made specific plans or arrangements for this to occur? No

Note: If someone had asked me these questions one year ago, I would probably have answered yes to all of the questions.

Next, ask yourself how you can reduce these risks?

Here are my answers to these questions for my YES answers:

2. This has become less and less of a reoccurring event, as I mentioned in the post Safety Checklist Part 1. I have gotten rid of all of the items that would have provided a suicide risk to me personally.

6. I have only recently (in the past year or so) recovered the vague memories of my abuse. I know that I should not see my father at this time in my life, or maybe ever again. I know I went through the same thing with Debbie (my biological mother) and I got over it. But I do not think so this time.

I am ashamed of these thoughts, as I like to consider myself a reasonable and kind person. I do not even believe in the death penalty, so these thoughts do trouble me. However, I am sure that I would never act on them, but I accept that humans are capable of uncharacteristic acts under extreme circumstances. I am currently working with my therapist about these ideas.

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Feature Image sHOW? by This Is The Life2905/Rachael Preeya Photography via DeviantArt

My Monster Has A Name… actually many. This blog is a safe place for me to share my healing journey from childhood abuse. The topics covered are at times controversial, offensive, horrific, and hopefully sometimes inspiring. Thank you for sharing in my journey.